my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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