I feel like abortions should bother me more
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
