I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
