Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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