You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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