who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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