One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
