This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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