drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
