sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Welp...herpes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
