Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
