just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
