That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
