You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize