I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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