her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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