You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
