I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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