You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
