I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
