My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
