So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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