census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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