dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
