remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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