I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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