I want to have your abortion
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize