i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
