mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
