Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
