All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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