we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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