I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
