forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
