I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
