I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
