Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
