I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Drunk is not a location!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
