I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
