If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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