some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
