Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
