it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
