Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
