Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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