Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
