just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
