Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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