im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
