Already got asked if we're dating
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
