Non-Jews are for practice
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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