I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
