now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
