I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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