Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
