we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
