You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
