dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
