I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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