omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
