i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
