that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
