Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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