Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
