Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Randomize
