I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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