Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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