I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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