You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
