apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
