he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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