i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
