were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
