That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Actions speak louder than pants.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Are we still banned from the library?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
