was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
