Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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