you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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