Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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