who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
