there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Randomize
