those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
