weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
