yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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