yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
