how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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