I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
