I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
