It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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